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When someone shows you who they truly are, believe them

Updated: May 2, 2023

This is crazy that this is the first blog post topic I am writing about, but I feel it is important to get this message out. To help someone who is experiencing this same situation and help them avoid the foolishness, the insanity of some who is completely unreasonable, rotten, and miserable, maybe even evil but I digress.

This blog post is about my ex boyfriend. Our relationship years ago was short yet tumultuous, chaotic and toxic. First of all, he was a charming and handsome man, which is how he drew me in despite the red flags I was seeing before me. I'm very good at seeing those signs but tend to try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm not perfect, no one is and I would rather see for myself that a person is not worthy then judge them off cuff. People can change if they really, really desire to. When I met him, we'll call him "Jack", he told me that he did have a lot of baggage. He had five baby mommas, 2 ex-wives and 9 children and actually admitted he wanted to lie about all of that. I almost spit my drink out. I myself am a single mom to five kids, so based on that alone, I gave him a chance because I try to see the good in everyone. I understand relationships fail, love happens and you can't control it sometimes. The past is the past and people should have the opportunity to be known as they are now. Their past should not define them. But now I know better.

Now I am sure you are saying "Are you crazy?" and "You should have ran for the hills!" This is what I would say if a friend told me all of that about a man she was seeing. Admittedly, I did not want a relationship. It wasn't necessarily because of him but more so because it is hard for me to be close and emotional to men. My past hurt has healed but I am generally wary of them and do not want to be let down or disappointed, so I hold back. But you only live once and you've gotta put yourself out there or live with the regret. He charmed me into giving him that shot, just for him to start breaking up with me every other week because "he didn't want me breaking up with him first" I found out gradually that he was a toxic narcissist, unable to hold himself accountable for his actions and everything was always, always my fault. The relationship lasted barely a month and after the fifth or sixth breakup, I refused to go back with him because he was incapable of maintaining and sustaining a real relationship. To me, a relation

ship is a mutual partnership in which two people love, support, and care about one another. You can't have a relationship with someone who values himself over the relationship as a whole. It cannot grow and prosper as it should because the balance is always in his direction and instead of give and take, it's take, take, take. I also gradually discovered that he was a functioning alcoholic. Now grown people can drink if they want, after all they are grown. I even imbibe myself occasionally so there's nothing wrong with that, but every day? Drinking that much will rot your brain as well as your liver and Jack was the epitome of that. When he went to the liquor store for his breakfast of "Seagrams Extra Dry Gin" at 9 a.m., I should have runaway then.

I discovered all of this two years ago. Flash forward to as recently as days ago, I agree to let Jack come over and talk. We were still okay in regard to being cordial but I was never going to romantically pursue anything ever again with him because I see that he could never be the peace that I needed. We could never grow or support each other because he would always hold us back and keep us from flourishing. To him, the "Baby Boy" type of situationship was what he wanted. But this is real life, and I don't want a toxic and dramatic relationship. All of that is wasted time and energy w

hen you could have a peaceful relationship that has more laughter than anger, more selfless than selfish. I hate wasting time, mine or anyone else's. So when he asked to get back together, I had to let him know that was not going to happen and he can accept my friendship or nothing at all. He assented although he was sure he could charm me back into his corner. Later that night he partied with me and my cousin at the bar. Now I regret ever laying eyes on him.

The very next morning after, he came to ask for a ride to get his phone after leaving it at the bar the night before. I said no because not only was I hungover, I had went back and forth to the bar for him several times and got my

time and gas wasted. Not to mention, no appreciation for it either, as well as any gas money. He kept badgering and badgering me, saying if I had not taken him to the bar the night before, none of this would be happening. That right there made me burn with rage. He acted as though I had put a gun to his head and forced him to go out. I flat out refused to take him and told him that it was his fault he didn't keep track of his phone. I am not going to accept responsibility when all he had to do was put it in his pocket. But he kept saying it was my fault, my fault, my fault. I then threw him out, after which he put my son's school issued Chromebook on my front porch so it could be rained on. I should have watched and made sure he left my home without touching anything because not only did he do that, he also put sugar in my gas tank. His license been suspended and he cannot get a car of his own. Nor could he purchase one anyway because at least if not more than half of his paycheck went for child support. Now that I think about it, he even once complained about having to pay child support, yet never took accountability for not having protected sex to avoid the situation he faces every time he got paid. I should have absolutely kept my distance then. Now on top of his antics, he also threatened to call CPS on me. To do all that when he could have just found another ride, which actually is what ended up happening, just shows me how evil he is to the very core of his being. Then the cherry on top of an unnecessary cake, I found out the next night that he had given this woman in the bar his phone and essentially created all this unneeded drama. All I could do in hearing this is stare straight ahead with rage.

This is the gist of my encounter with an pathetic and evil alcoholic. I pride myself on being the bigger person and calling the police to get a non-trespass order. Because trust and believe I wanted to catch him coming out of his house and stomp him into a coma. I have been angry at many a person but have never been vengeful and spiteful as to maliciously destroy any property, or maliciously call CPS. These types of actions end up coming back to bite you in the end and I would rather move on, look forward, and never look back. This is what a sane, rational, sobering adult would and should do. Jack was and will always be a narcissistic selfish person, miserable and rotten to his soul. He will never have anything of quality, anything of value, because he believes that he is entitled to everything and owes no one nothing. I am most of all, angry at myself. I have seen enough to keep my distance and for the most part I have. But I should have went one step further and permanently barred him from my life. He always brought my worse self out. I crave

peace, he, seemingly deliberately, always kept up drama. Besides being a malignant narcissist, he has shown me in various ways, that he is incapable of being humane and humble. That man was never ever worthy of any kind of a friendship.

Moral of this post? Don't be dismissive and forgiving, no matter how time has passed between incidents. Believe them when they show how petty, evil, and jealous they are. Put those people on a shelf and let people in who spread positivity and good vibrations. Let in people who support you, people who are rational, people who are humble, people who bring out the best in you. Life is too short for toxicity and a spoonful of arsenic poisons the whole stew. Do you have a similar story of dealing with a malignant narcissist now or in the past? Comment below!

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Sorry to hear what happened we have to pay attention to red flags

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