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"Love" Hurts


First of all, my apologies for the delay in posting. Life, children, and work seem to always get in the way, but I promise to post more often and thank you for your support! Before I post, I like to think about what I am going to say as well as the message I want to convey to my audience, you the viewer. To make up for my lack of posting, I am going to write 2 posts. All of this is so you can get a glimpse into my mindset and what I have been through and what I have learned throughout my life before I post my first episode of Happiness Is A Choice 2. Please like, share, and subscribe if my posts resonates with you or if you know of someone going through a similar experience. My words could possibly help.


As you all may remember from my post, Let That Hurt Go Beloved,,, I was speaking on my relationship......or rather situationship with Larry. When I tell you I loved that man, I loved him to my core, my soul. When I found out about Melissa, I was shattered. My world as I knew it had fell apart. I had pretended to be pregnant as a form of revenge but intended to ultimately be pregnant as to "win" him. When I perpetrated this falsity, I didn't know I would be leading myself into a world of pain as well as heartache. Not too long after I told him I was pregnant, was when he started to put hands on me. Long before that, he would say things like, If you get with another man, I'll whip your a$$. I remember then I would laugh and think this was cute, even flattering. I did not realize how true his words were.


It started off by choking. Usually when I wouldn't go along with whatever he wanted, or when he thought I had strayed. Then it progressed from there. When I did what I needed and had to do, which was tell the truth about the pregnancy, I was genuinely scared. I knew his temper but I forced myself to tell the truth because I needed to free him and myself, no matter what the cost. Larry took the news calmly, so calmly it was almost scary. Later he held that against me, he would say I owed him a child, even though I was ready to move on and I felt that if you choose to deal with a person, despite their lies, you should let go fully of the wrong that has been done. He was not that type of man. He didn't want to let me go because he knew what he was losing and what another man would gain. He even resorted to blackmail, saying he would release videos we took with my name, address, and phone number. At first I buckled, but then as I fell more and more out of love, I started to rebel and pull away.


Larry and I had a weird relationship. He lied about a lot of things, bigger than Melissa, he lied about his whole name. I found out about this from someone who had seen me riding around with him. I was mortified, stunned. At this point when I was about 26, I had never known a man who lied as much as he did. I confronted him and we ended up parting ways. When this happened, I got back with the father of my oldest child and ended up pregnant again with twins. He then ended up sleeping with my supposed best friend and moved on with her before my kids were born. For about six months, Larry and I were out of contact but once me and my children's father was over, I leaned back to him. Now that I think about everything, I should have moved on. But remember your twenties and remember what your mindset was like, it's easy to do or should or could have now that you have gained wisdom through experience but then, we were all just learning, especially me. Larry didn't abuse me much then. He hemmed me up once because he was angry my unborn children weren't his and were someone else's. At that point, I had decided it was better to be with a liar instead of a deadbeat.


After my twins were born, the physical abuse started again. There was one time I remember in trying to force myself to move on, I had invited this friend I knew from Detroit to visit me. We had some laughs and ultimately, we became intimate. Some days later, Larry found evidence of it and was furious. I stammered in explaining because I knew something bad was coming, though I didn't know exactly what. That day he ended up slapping my glasses off my face and banging my head against the wall while screaming at me. And he was very much still with Melissa at this point, even to this day. He treated me like his possession and used my past lies to do it. Another time we drove down 24th street adn fist fought while he drove, another time he tried to strangle me with a cell phone cord, another he tried to smother me with a pillow because I had been right about an issue we were arguing about in the moment. All of these times, the lies, Melissa constantly being a factor, killed my love little by little until even Larry begun to see it.


In case you're wondering, Larry and I do not speak to this day. I am blessed he did not kill me and I forgive him for everything done wrong to me but the past is the past. It remains there and I do not want to revisit it often. I gave Larry the opportunity to be friends, but I more than suspect that he would like to go back to our twenties, when he could have his cake and eat it too. I have grown beyond those years to realize this is not what I want nor need, plus the love is gone. Last I heard from him is he would never like to speak or hear from me again. I can certainly keep that promise. All of this culminated on and off for over ten years. Ten years of my life wasted, gone forever. I say this because I know that there are many women going through domestic violence issues. My own mother was one of them. My earliest memory was of her being beat with a belt by my stepfather, like she was a child. I vowed to never be in the same position but I came to experience that. Now my only resolve is to never see my daughter go through that, God willing. For all who are suffering from a "love" that hurts. know that, love is NOT supposed to hurt. It is supposed to bring peace, happiness, tranquility, all of the good things life has to offer. If it physically hurts you and mentally debilitates you, this is not love but toxicity. A toxicity that can and will destroy your hopes of a bright future and possibly your life.


For all who are or know someone who is going through domestic violence issues, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, 24 hours a day. Be a survivor, not a statistic! You are genuinely needed and loved!


Do you have any feedback or experiences you would like to share? Please feel free to comment below!💫


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